Where I Am Now – A Story and an Explanation

It has been almost two months since my last blog post, and at the moment I can’t make any promises that I will be writing regularly over the coming months. I have tried to write about this a few times, but every time I have given up. Today a number of factors have come together to mean that I feel ready to write about what has been going on in my life over the past few months, and why I am having so much trouble posting regularly.

At the beginning of this year, the clinical psychologist I was visiting decided that my depression and anxiety weren’t getting better, and that we needed some more help. So my GP did some research, called in a few favours, and wrote me a referral to a psychiatrist in Melbourne. We waited with baited breaths, and then had a little cheer when we heard that the psychiatrist had accepted to take me on as a patient. Then we just had to wait until I came back to Melbourne, so that I could see this new psychiatrist and hopefully start making some progress.

A few days before my fourth year of medicine started, I had my first appointment with my Psychiatrist. It was intense and slightly overwhelming, but it made me feel so, so good. I was diagnosed with having severe anxiety and depression, and having someone so important state my diagnosis to me gave me an amazing sense of validation for just how terrible I had been feeling. It also felt amazing to come to an understanding that how I had been feeling wasn’t normal; that I was genuinely sick, and more importantly, that I would be able to get better.

It has been a hard three months since that first diagnosis. We have gradually changed all of my medications, and we are still in the process of getting my medications right. I am having to get weekly blood tests to monitor the levels of one of the drugs, and I am constantly on the watch for potential side effects. So far things have been going well, and I haven’t had any side effects from my new medications. I did discover that the reason I have put on so much weight over the past year was because one of the medications I was on is notorious for causing weight gain. But we have reduced the levels of that drug, and I have stopped putting on weight, and even started losing it!

Things are so, so much better than they were three months ago, but I am still struggling every single day. I am constantly tired, and seem to be regularly on the verge of tears, but I am getting better, slowly but surely. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I know that I am going to get better one day. I just find it hard sometimes, because I know that I am doing everything I can to get to the end of the tunnel as fast as I can, but it is still going to be a slow process. There is no quick fix for mental health problems – it takes time, perseverance and hard work. But I know I am going to get there, thanks to the amazing people I have supporting me. But I have been overwhelmed with university work, and so haven’t been able to find the inspiration to blog. I am hoping that as things continue to improve I will be able to post more, and that this blog will become everything that I had hoped it would be. I see good things in the future!

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2 thoughts on “Where I Am Now – A Story and an Explanation

  1. Maria says:

    Hi Bonnie! I can’t believe I haven’t commented on your blog before, but better late than never, right? I just wanted to thank you for your lovely comments in my blog, and particularly the latest one (the one about confidence and depression and such). How wonderful that you finally have someone who can help you get better! It makes a world of a difference, doesn’t it, both because of the actually-getting-better-part, but also now-I-know-I-haven’t-been-imagining-things-or-been-a-complete-wimp. You’re in my thoughts, darling.

    • girlinafairytale says:

      Thank you s, so much for your comment! Your wonderful blog was the first blog I ever read, and it is still my favourite. It is always a good day when I see that you have written a new post – I usually try to save it until I have a hot chocolate at the ready and can really enjoy it. Your comment about now-I-know-I-haven’t-been-imagining-things-or-been-a-complete-wimp sums it up perfectly – it was so nice to be told that I was sick, and that I wasn’t just a sucky person. Thank you so much for your kind words; I can’t wait to read your next blogpost 😀

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